Humanity is like an ocean
by LucinaHeartsSVU
Summary: My first story, I want to know what you think. :) Set in the future. Liv is Captain of the 1-6 and divorced with a 7 year old. Noah is a teen who suffers an incredible lost and has to adjust to it. It will go from present and past. It is T but future chapters will be M. There is also quite a few OC.
1. When it ended

It had been 1 year since her death and I feel like it was yesterday. She was perfectly imperfect. She tired so hard to be the best mom ever, and from what my uncles tell me, it's because her own childhood. It wasn't great. I hope she knew, the light she brought to me.

**_2 years earlier _**

_"Noah, hurry up!" Olivia shouted from the bottom of the stairs._

_She checked her watch, realizing they are both going to be late. "Noah, I do have to be at work at a certain time as you do, come on!"_

_Upstairs in his room 16 year old Noah was shuffling through his drawers, looking for his assignment for his linguistics class. He really hated that class but it was that or something stupid, so he took it. At least, he wouldn't fall asleep in class. After hearing Olivia's last comment, he found it, shoved it in his bag, and ran downstairs. _

_"God, mom, I'm coming. I need my homework, you know" he said, grabbing his coat, drinking his orange juice and eating a bagel._

_"Well, if you would put it in your bag as soon as finish, you wouldn't need to find it." As she got her purse, and coat on as well. _

_"Yeah, ok" he mumbled walking out the door. _

_Olivia shook her head and grabbed her keys and went out the door to start her day. _

_As she rolled up to his school, dropping Noah off_

_"Have a nice day at school, sweetie" patting his arms. He didn't like hugs anymore. Wow, her baby is a teen now. It's hard for her but she knew it would happen. _

_"Thanks Mom, love you, bye" he quick jumped out the black SVU and waved. _

_She waved back and called her Sargent, "Fin, I'm on way, sorry"_

_"No problem, Capt. I sent Carisi and Sophia, out on a DV call. Amaro and Rollins are finishing up some DD5s."_

_"Great, thanks. I'll be there soon, keep me in the loop with the DV." _

_"No problem. Bye."_

_She drove over to the precinct thinking about everything that has changed. She never thought she'd be captain, or have a older son, much less a little girl as well. With that thought she called her daughter. "Hello" a little girl answered _

_"Hi baby, you having fun with daddy?" "Oh yes, mommy. We go sledding and I made a snowman!" She said with excitement. "Oh yeah, that does sound very fun! where's daddy" smiling with just the sound of her voice. "He is right here, wanna talk to him, mommy?"giggling._

_"Yes, baby" she heard shuffling and then voices in the background, which she assumed it was the t.v _

_"Hello, Liv?" He said with a bit of a surprise tone._

_"Hey, Alex, I'm just calling to ask if you can bring Lucy to the precinct later, instead of the house?" She sense hesitation, she spoke again," it's just that Noah is going to spend a night at a friends and it would really help with time saving."_

_He coughed "uhh yeah, sure, of course. Am I gonna see you there or are you going to have your minion take her?"_

_She rolled her eyes," nope, I will definitely be there" saying as politely as she could. _

_"Okay see you at 6pm? Maybe we could all get dinner?" He said casually._

_"Uhh I can't. We are going to a friends for dinner." She lied, she couldn't risk dinner with him again, it stirred up old feelings. Feelings that were no longer wanted. _

_"Yeah, sure." He huffed. _

_She parked and bid her goodbyes and I love yous to her daughter. _

_She walked in, said her hellos, got a follow up on the dv, and went to her office. _


	2. Where it began

**AN: thanks for the support :) **

**This is the continuation of chapter 1 the next chapter is going to be present day **

**I wanted to give you a little bit background on Alex and he is a man, Liv was married to him, something happen and they divorced. He has Lucy for the weekend every 2 weeks and every other holiday. You will find out why and what happen in due time. Again thanks for the follows/fav and I'm going to try to update twice a week.**

The day seem to go by so fast, Olivia thought. She was in the middle of some paperwork when there was a knock at her door, she looked up and saw Amaro.

"Hey, Liv, Alex is walking over here just a heads up." He said warning he. He was still a protective older brother. She chuckled to her self before she answered him, "yeah I know, thanks."she got up and made her way out of her office.

She met them half way because her daughter ran to her to give her a huge hug and kisses. Olivia squeezed her so tight, wow she missed her a ton.

When she finish embracing and kissing her daughter, she took in her appearance; beautiful flowing brown curls everywhere and her retro hat and coat. Her daughter had her eyes but her fathers smile. And it instantly brought her back to reality, she stood up to talk to Alex.

"Thanks, Alexander" she said with a smile, because she did appreciate it. She was just surprise he was still standing there, watching.

"Of course, no problem" he said with a wide smile and he was just about to speak up again when Olivia cut him off.

" okay, then same time on Friday in 2 weeks? I can take her to you, since you did me a favor today."

"I'm no it's fine, I can come pick her up." He said as he finished the though in his head... "so I can see you again" then he said his goodbyes to his daughter and left the precinct.

Olivia went to her office to finish some paperwork and as if on cue as she was about to start them, when there was a knock at the door, Fin.

"Hey go home, you know, I'm second in command, so you can leave and I will finish it. No buts!" Causing Lucy to giggle, she shook her head and realized that it was for the best. Besides with Lucy here, not much would get finish. She smiled," thanks, fin" he nodded in response as she got her coat and Lucy ready to go.

On the drive home, Lucy told her mother all about her trip to Wisconsin for the weekend. How she played with her daddy in the snow and made snow man and went ice stating. She liked her room in the cabin because there was Elsa everywhere, it looked like her castle. Olivia loved listening to her daughter talk, with some much love and life, it was nice and needed for days that were rough at work. She was a reminder that there is good in the world, and innocence. She got to her apartment and got Lucy out. They took the elevator and She called Noah, while Lucy was taking a brake from talking.

"Hello" he answered

"Hi honey, how was school?" She asked, she just wanted him to talk to her, she wanted to hear his voice.

"It was...good... I guess. Listen, mom, you know I'm staying at Jeremy's house. We have a Project due." He huffed out. He wanted the call to end already, he loved her but he just discovered that he was a adopted and he was trying to process it.

"I know, sweetie. I will let you go then. I love you. Call me before bed, okay and in the morning "

"I will, mom. And yeah me too. Bye" just like that he hung up.

2 hours later

She finished one last dish, then got Lucy ready for bed. They went upstairs to fix a bath and get on the pjs. Olivia read her a story and Lucy fell asleep quickly.

As Lucy slept, Olivia just stared at her and thought about everything she went through, and so grateful for Lucy and Noah.

She remembers when she first met Alexander, God he was a cocky bastard. She chuckles to herself.

She had been working on a crazy case, 2 little girls snatched from their beds at night, and the parents were suspected because there was evidence of child neglect and abuse. They found them under the bridge barely conscious and they were rushed to the hospital. She waited for hours to find out how were they, if they were going to make it, she just couldn't let this case go. She couldn't understand how parents, PARENTS, could do this to their own children, at all! Amaro stayed with Noah for her, and she felt guilty for a little bit because she wasn't there. But when the doctors came spoke to her and the extent of their trauma, she was determine to put those people away even more, and she did. She tracked down a living relative who was loving and caring and willing to take them in. When they were released she went to see them, make sure they knew they were safe. When she was about to leave, she walk into someone. He was a doctor with sandy blonde hair and a smile that pulled her into him.

"Oh my gosh, I am so sorry" he said with a cocky grin, a grin I recognized.

"Oh yeah, sure you are" she replied, and she was about to walk away when he blocked her and said "how about I take you for coffee to prove how sorry I truly am?"

"No, it's fine" she smiled, not quite sure but she was nervous not bad but very school girl crush nervous. She thought, what the hell, a crush? Hahah

"Hey I've seen you hear a lot. You are gorgeous, and I can tell determine. I would like the chance to get to know you, and I know you would too" he smiled. I chuckled, "really? Well sorry buddy but I am late on picking up my son." That usually sends them packing, she figured it would with him. "My name is Alexander Walt, I love kids. How about we exchange numbers and come up with a better time for you, Olivia?"

A bit startled, " I never said my name?"

"I asked about you and a nurse told me, you are also a detective at Svu, that's commendable"

She stared at him have intrigued that he asked around about her and half creeped out. She isn't quite sure why but she was attracted to him, and wanted to know him as well, so she took her card out grabbed his pen and handed it to him. Then walked away before he could say anything.

**ALEX POV**

Alex stood there in shock thinking, oh my god! I got her number! Smiling like its glued on he went about his day. All day he thought about her, she was gorgeous. Truly perfect, he heard she was a cop in the SVU and liked her even more. When his sister was raped a couple years back, he knew that they were the real heroes of the world. His sister was a mess, wrecked, and she felt like so lost but she got help and the officers helped her, they brought her closure. She is doing great now, she loves life again.

His day had ended and he couldn't wait to call the Sargent Benson he said as he read her card. He realized it may be late but he just couldn't wait to hear her voice, to talk to her, so he called hoping she would answer.

It rang and rang, he felt like it rang for hours, but then he heard her answer, "Benson" he thought what a beautiful name...


	3. Broken

**AN: thanks for the favs and follows :) **

**I hope you guys like**

_Present day_

I'm here watching Lucy play and I feel so bad that she went through so much already. I sense my uncle looking at me, "what, Tío?" I ask Uncle Barba, without looking.

He smiles, "Obvious aren't I? Well, you know, your mom would be proud." Patting me on the shoulder.

"Ehh, I don't know about that."

He frowns, " why would you say that?"

I exhale and shrug, " you know, she use to tell me all the time, that I could be and do whatever I set my mind to. When I told her, I wanted to be a cop. I saw her eyes, and when I told her I wanted to be in special victims, I saw the sadness in them."

There was a beat, " she just cared, she was protective."

Another beat had passed.

"She didn't say anything. She just nodded. A couple days later, she was on the phone with Aunt Alex, and they were talking about me. I guess she thought I wasn't home yet, she was on speaker. Anyway, Tía asked, what was so bad about what I wanted to do. Mom said, it wasn't bad. She just wanted me to live in a world where the evilness of others didn't touch. She said that when she adopted me, that I was the only thing that saved her from SVU. It took pieces of her soul, but she wouldn't stop because she had a debt to pay. I stopped listening though. I didn't know what she meant by a debt. Until now, I loved her for being a wonderful mother, even though she was broken. She saved people, changed lives, and did so much good, but she didn't see it."

Barba sat in silence, unaware as to what to say. He knew Olivia for a long time. She was fierce, a force to be reckon with, but with that tenacity came the other side of it. A very human side, sadness, because being broken didn't mean you were a lost cause. It meant you tired, even harder to help others heal.

He finally spoke up, "she loved you, Noah. and Lucy. You guys brought light and meaning to her life."

"I know she did, and that's why I can't understand"

"Understand, what?"

"How come she couldn't love herself? Why couldn't she be selfish, one time? She died, for what really?" She huffed out with a sadness, on a verge of tears. Shaking his head.

Barba had no answer. He just sat watching Lucy play, and he saw so much of Olivia in her. She was really a mini Olivia, her chestnut hair, her lovely brown eyes, only thing different was her smile. She had Alexanders' smile. He wandered how was Alexander holding up. He hadn't seen him since he brought Lucy over a month ago. He was a bit of a mess. Well, we all were.

Noticing it was getting late, Noah called Lucy over to get going.

"Luz, com on lets go!"

"Aw come on a little longer?!" She made her puppy eyes, i would usually cave, but today no.

"Nope Luz, we gotta go home." He stood up and got his coat on. She got her coat on. Barba did the same.

And they all walked away from the park to go get something to eat.


	4. Moving Forward

**_AN: thank you :) _**

**_LaceNLeather24_**

**_And trust me you will find out soon :) sorry for the short chapters _**

**_:) _**

**_This is present day. We are going to see more of day to day life for Noah mainly but we are going to learn where Lucy lives. _**

Tío makes sure we get home. I invite him in and he stays a bit to talk about work. He ask about my plans for school. I tell him about the general idea go to college for criminal justice with a minor in psychology and then apply to the police academy. That's where we stop talking and he just sits there drinking his scotch, till he ask about Lucy and how long is she going to be with me. I honestly don't know. Alexander is trying to get better, he has been going to AA meetings. He's been better. He comes to see Luz and they FaceTime a lot. I know he loves Luz and that's what is giving him strength. I tell Luz to get ready for bed. She goes and then waits for me to read her a story.

The next morning, i wake up and I take a shower and get ready before I wake Luz up. I look around and even though I redid the master bedroom, I still felt it was wrong. It was wrong to use her room. This whole situation felt wrong sometimes, but the therapist said this was necessary. That we couldn't live in the past, we had to accept it. We have to move on and not devote a shrine to mom. I remember for two months After her death, I couldn't walk even near her room. Uncle Barba and Tía Manda had came to help me pack up her things. Tío helped me redecorate and he even paid for the construction of a loft bed. Even though we had to move on, I couldn't. I fought the entire process and I didn't want Luz to forget about her. I wanted Luz to remember every single detail of our loving and caring mother. So, I would read to her the family photo albums. Tia Manda helped me with redecorating the living room, with pictures of mom and Luz and I. All of us, our family. Mom wasn't rich, far from it, but she took care of us. We always had want we needed and wanted. Her insurance money went into a trust fund for Luz, for college and whatever else she needed when she turned 18. Her pension comes to me, but I have a full ride scholarship, so I use that for home and Luz. I work at Law firm as an assistant, not the best job but I have great hours and benefits.

I breathe out and look at the time. I walk out my room to wake up Luz.

She's sleeping so peacefully, I don't want to wake her. I walk over her bed. "Luz, come on, time to wake up"

She huffs out complaints, "nooo I'm sick. Can't go to school"

I smile, "funny. Come on, don't you want to go see Manda and uncle Fin later? Can't do that if your sick."

With that she sprung up and ran to the bathroom, "Me sick? What no I'm brushing my teeth now!"

I laugh, knowing that would work. I go to fix Luz some breakfast, while she got ready for school.


End file.
